I don’t really believe today is the last day of anything. And if it is, I wish we were living somewhere warmer. With a view. And an open bar. What have I learned in 34 years as a middle-class, white male? Not much.

Coffee is magic. Pimples are bad. Farts are funny. Humans are silly creatures that require constant stimulation and entertainment to feel good about themselves. And, most important, if you’re desperately hoping a UPS package will arrive on Friday, it will most definitely show up the following Monday—after your credit card has been charged and the world has ended.

Merry Christmas, random readers. I hope your stuff has been sent, your final purchases have been made and your silver Christmas trees have been adored. No silver tree? Don’t worry, here’s a picture of ours for you to enjoy.

Old Silver


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