Questionnaire.

I went to see a new doctor the other day. As you know, going to a new physician for the first time requires a clipboard and lots of paperwork. Four pages in this particular instance—the last two of which were filled with yes or no questions regarding my health inside and out.

After laughing at the strategically placed quotes in do you or have you ever used “street drugs” things got serious. Things got mental. Rather than simply asking whether I ever feel depressed or suicidal, the question read something like this:

Do you ever have the desire to be dead and away?

Not just dead, but dead and away. I was tempted to mark it yes and see what kind of intervention ensued, but decided that would be childish. I did make a comment to the nurse about the wording. She laughed. “Luckily we’ve never had anyone mark that one yes.”

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