For the last month or so I’ve been fighting a fierce combination of allergies and cold symptoms. These conditions aren’t out of the ordinary for anyone trying to live and breathe this time of year in the Midwest. It’s the usual Claritin-commercial-variety stuff—itchy eyes, sore throat, coughing, sneezing, etc.
The entertaining part of this starts in the well-lit corner of the local Walgreens where I’ve purchased so many boxes of active ingredients I’m probably on a meth watch list. While the pills, lozenges and nose sprays work to combat the discomfort with varying degrees of success, they all quite effectively seem to turn me into a zombie.
Consult the diagram above during one of my drug-induced stupors and you’ll find that the department for automatic actions and routine work needs maintenance, the private secretary is busy posting status updates to his Facebook account and the manager of the speech department has taken a long lunch at an all-you-can-eat buffet.
So with that, I’m off to start the day—with the general manager and the head of the memory department just now dragging themselves into their respective positions after a long night on a couple of crazy pills known as NyQuil.
Numerous attempts have been made to reach the caffeine department (not pictured), but the line is busy.