Under surveillance.

Finding a place for Woody to squat here in the hood can be a challenge. And often when we discover an unpaved patch of land, residents have shitty anti-shit signs posted. He makes it work one way or another—depositing his nuggets on the sidewalk when he has to. If he can’t go in your planter, he’ll go on your doorstep. I figure as long as I pick it up, it shouldn’t be an issue.

We thought we’d found a new place to take care of business a few days back when Cristi pushed her way through an unlocked gate at the base of our neighborhood iPhone billboard. The area is fenced in and there are at least three signs  that clearly state “You Are Under Surveillance.” However, nothing says “No Trespassing.” So, naturally, we took Woody inside the highly secure but completely unlocked plot of urban wilderness so he could take a poop.

Roughly 15 minutes or so later—after we’d taken a proper walk around the block and up a couple of massive hills—we returned to Peralta Ave. A cop with a flashlight was standing at the bottom of the hill.

“Excuse me,” she said, approaching the three of us as Woody wagged his tail vigorously, “were you guys walking your dog up by that billboard?”

“Yes we were,” we confessed, as Woody poked the lady cop’s leg with his wet nose begging for her to pet his head.

“We got a call that a couple with a dog was walking inside the gated area,” she clarified, as Cristi and I busted out laughing.

We explained that the gate was unlocked and that even though the area is surrounded by chainlink and razor wire there was no signage that said we couldn’t be there. No one knew what to say at that point. We were the people she was looking for—the only problem was that we hadn’t really done anything wrong. Eventually we all agreed that we should keep out of the property around the billboard and the friendly cop headed back to her cruiser.

As of this morning, the gate is still open. We may have to sneak in there. I figure if someone is truly standing by watching the billboard, Woody and I should both take a shit on camera and really give ’em a show.

I’m kidding. Mostly.


The scene of the crime.

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