I’ve never been able to come up with a good way to write about bad news. Trying to put a positive spin on a situation that’s rotten to the core is just another float in the bullshit parade. It’d be different if emotions weren’t so confusing. If humans weren’t so weak. If we could just follow a logical path—make a plan and stick to it. But that’s not realistic.
Unfortunately, emotional waves can’t be compartmentalized. Relationships are bound to be messy. People are naturally inclined to make things far more complicated than they need to be. It’s what we do when we’re trying to get things done. Happy things. Memorable things. Dangerous things.
Often, comfort and routine will dictate logic. Most of us are avoiding some kind of reality, but few have the guts to actually make a move when we’re tired of running the course. We tell ourselves lies. Sleep on it. Take a shower. Maybe a cup of coffee will make it all go away. A picnic in the park and suddenly everything is back to normal? Right? Maybe, but you have to stop and take a serious look at the fucked up world that became your “norm.”
Just in case you’re not quite following, I’m talking about the sickening, indescribable feelings that surface when you and the person you thought you’d spend your life with approach a fork in the road. When being together on a daily basis makes it clear that your days could be numbered.
Every relationship is unique. But ours is particularly strange. We never wanted to get into a contractual situation. We didn’t plan the ceremony. We didn’t invite our friends. We didn’t even buy the rings. Yet, after ten successful years, it seems we’re pretty good at this marriage thing. We’ve been loyal. We’ve been trustworthy. We’ve been financially secure. We’ve had each other’s back. We’ve believed in one another in sickness and health. And now we’re trying to figure out where we go from here.
I don’t know what happens next—but right now love feels like the absolute worst way to show someone you care.