Give it away now.

As the years pass and the gray hairs in my beard multiply, I find myself thinking a lot more about what I have to offer the world—rather than the other way around. So here you go. Just a few things I don’t need anymore that you can take home today.

LOT ONE
A broken teak table with wobbly legs and four really heavy chairs that like to snag expensive women’s clothing. Bring a truck. If you plan to break it all down for a bonfire on the beach, please keep your intentions to yourself.

LOT TWO
Half a closet of ill-fitting, pseudo dress up clothes bought for awkward client presentations in Bannockburn, IL.

LOT THREE
Two Rubbermaid crates filled with gently used, made-in-China Harbor Freight tools. I probably wouldn’t rely on them for major home improvement or auto repair, but they’ll get you by in a pinch.

LOT FOUR
A basket full of various over-the-counter drugs that probably expired in 2013. If you’re suffering from cold or allergy symptoms, I may have the outdated relief you’re looking for.

That about sums it up. All my excess worldly possessions. Please contact me if you’re interested. All items are being gifted “as-is.” I assume no responsibility for any damage to property or persons.

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