Tag Archives: life

Move It: 2017 Edition

Back when all my worldly possessions amounted to a twin bed, a stack of CDs and a Mr. Coffee, I thought moving was fun. These days, things are a little different. With five bicycles, three grills and a small collection of non-Ikea, grown-up furniture, changing addresses is a stress-inducing hypothetical endeavor. Add a pretty lady, a big black dog and their stuff to the mix, and the subject of relocation is enough to inspire visions of a massive bonfire fueled by unnecessary household goods.

So when the landlord’s real estate sign went up in our yard back in June—roughly eight months after we moved in—the task before us seemed daunting. The Craigslist search. The big dog discussion. The you-want-how-much-for-the-deposit shock factor. The packing. The truck. The loading and unloading. But we did it. Mission accomplished. With a little help from a friend*. Now, as we dig our way out of the boxes, we’re up against the real-life limitations of physical space. We’ve stacked, stored, reconsidered and rearranged. I gave up on recovering the tape measure two weeks ago. I’ve come to terms with the idea of never owning a couch again. I hate shoes (other than the ones on my feet). Extra shirts seems extravagant. I find myself questioning why anyone would need more than two forks. All the things I’ve loved before are clutter and clutter is the enemy!

But one must remain calm. It’s the only option a relatively sane person has. In the end, we’re lucky to have a roof over our heads, a wonderful new neighborhood just beyond our front door and, of course, a magical sunflower watching over the entire process. Without the sunflower, I’m pretty sure the above mentioned bonfire would’ve been the first and only thing on my agenda.

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Cut from my lady’s garden at our previous address, this sunflower has kept me grounded.

* I hired a mover who happens to be a nice guy and by the end of the process I considered him a friend

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One thing.

It’s hard to be human without occasionally contemplating fate, luck and circumstance. Once the day has begun, thousands of possibilities take form. It’s the domino effect of life. And the unpredictable outcomes of our attempts to live an interesting existence.

Now imagine if the one errant factor in an otherwise routine day is your electricity and gas—the magical source of light, warm water and the Internet. Suddenly the plot thickens (and people can get very stinky). Many would freak out and leave the landlord profanity-filled messages. Others might book a hotel room or make plans to stay with friends. And some—the somewhat easy-going few—might grab a bottle of wine and a chunk of cheese from the lukewarm refrigerator and sit on the deck while assessing the situation.

We went with option 3 when our modern world went dark last week. It turned out to be a really memorable evening. No dinner making. No Netflixing. No lightbulbs. Just life, love and a few basic necessities.

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Fired!

Now that I’ve joined the bridge and tunnel crowd that floods into San Francisco each morning, I understand the robotic nature of the downtown population better than ever. It’s a boring, monotonous cycle—commuting to get to some gig at a company. So everyone generally falls in line, heads down, hands in pockets, hearts and minds safely tucked away.

But every so often a random junkie, homeless person or purple-haired office dweller knocks me out of my trance. It’s a welcome distraction from the day-to-day work routine. And one guy I encountered last week found the perfect captive audience at the crowded corner of Market and Beale.

I heard the metallic rumble of his shopping cart as he approached. People stared at their phones, impatiently waiting for the walk signal. He began his performance.

“None of this matters, people! Because…guess what…YOU’RE ALL FIRED!”

There was a maniacal laugh as he sifted through the crap in his basket. He still had 15 seconds.

“That’s right…you…and you…and you…YOU’RE ALL FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!”

Eventually the light changed and everyone rushed off into oblivion, but the whole scene made my day. Technically he was wrong, I wasn’t fired when I got to work, but it was a great reminder that life is never as predictable as you might think.

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Around the bend.

Little kids crack me up. Sometimes I even admire their unruly, uncontrolled behavior. When they’re uncomfortable, they let the world know with a wail. When they don’t want to go somewhere, they drop to the ground. Best of all, when they’re happy they show it.

Adults on the other hand, seem to adopt a tired complacent approach to life as they get older. Strapped by bills, routines and a perpetual cycle of compromise, we generally fall in line and try to act professional. It’s a consequence of growing up and pretending we enjoy putting up with other people’s shit. It’s how we get by.

The craziest part of living a calm, obedient existence is that no matter how careful you are there’s no way to know what’s coming next. Ambitious employees get fired. Good drivers get run off the road. Healthy, cautious people slip and fall on the stairs trying to take out the trash. Life is an unpredictable mess of coincidence and circumstance.

So as a very nutty 2016 draws to a close, I’m pushing for more tenacity in 2017. I’m not suggesting adults act like children, I’m simply suggesting a more honest approach to the universe. Laugh until beer comes out your nose. Eat leftover pork ribs for breakfast. Stand on the back porch in your underwear and play fetch with the dog if you feel like it. Less faking and more fucking. Or whatever you’re into. After all—as long as no one gets hurt—a little misbehaving could be good for you.

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Risk free.

Up around 5 AM. Confused by 6.

Drawn to drama, but always leading a cheer for optimism.

Slow songs and defeat are a few of my favorite things.

The only way to understand is to try it yourself. The slop and slack.

Tempt fate—invite trouble along for a ride. Give the security detail the night off.

Sacrifice the clean lines to the thrill of crash and burn.

And start all over again the next day.

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Defective directive.

The good life continues for this special edition 1978 model. I’ll always question what’s come my way—but not long enough to miss out on anything fun. There’s always a Lyft or Uber nearby.

Humans function extremely well on their own, yet part of the happiness default drives us to seek the attention and approval of others. Here’s where wires get crossed and reckless behavior leads to poetic, epic, memorable moments that make no sense yet mean everything.

Indeed, the thrill of mutual attraction is by far the most satisfying form of satisfaction in the satisfaction universe. As close to the meaning of life as anyone will ever get, perhaps? Hard to say for sure, but it definitely represents the meaning of something significant. Something even better than candy or drugs.

On that note, it’s Friday again. May your weekend be filled with lots of whatever makes you happy.

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