Tag Archives: random thoughts

Growing up is great.

Sometimes waking up and walking the filthy city streets of our North Beach neighborhood early in the morning gives me a thrill similar to the one I used to get after staying up all night and wandering home.

But at 1:45 AM I was comfortably situated on a mattress rather than a bar stool.

I’ve got a dog leash in my hand instead of a cigarette.

Best of all, I know exactly where all my stuff is.

Specifically (in no particular order):
– Car
– Wallet
– Keys
– Brain

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Friday night feeling.

Another day spent wondering what’s next and reading bad news about the government. 

The billboard tells me there’s a Lexus sales event I can’t miss, but I have a feeling I’m not gonna make it. Damn, maybe next time, Lexus.

Moving on and off. Hoping my haircut doesn’t make me look like a douche. Hoping my personality doesn’t allow me to act like one. 

Everyone preaches love and peace, but few show much interest in either when a parking spot is at stake. 

That’s life and so is this. 

So on and so forth. I’ll quietly plead the fifth if anyone asks me for answers. 

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The fuzz.

Digging down through the layers of what used to be. So many hoops. Such a goddamn circus. Chasing one thing and leaving another behind. Memories burn, but the place is someone else’s reality now.

Restless people leave a path. A trail of impressions. Smiles and farewells. You don’t always feel different—but everything has changed.

Grandpa still smiles in pictures but he’s long gone.

And all the girls I’ve loved before love someone else tonight. But I still feel it all. I remember the music that was playing. The smell in the air. The context and the underlying complexity.

Life reinvents itself as it should. We make messes of things. We have good intentions and bad ideas simultaneously. Contradictions packed in confirmations. So we push. And morph. And make new plans that would surprise our old ideas. That send previous selves into tailspins.

My talent is recognizing that I have very little. My area of expertise is being an amateur. My specialty if floating from one experience to the next yearning for something just out of reach. But so close.

Today I live in place I barely knew two years ago. Where entire streets bring back good memories. And steep corners take me to emotional roller coaster realities that have faded into the fuzz.

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Now that I’ve joined the bridge and tunnel crowd that floods into San Francisco each morning, I understand the robotic nature of the downtown population better than ever. It’s a boring, monotonous cycle—commuting to get to some gig at a company. So everyone generally falls in line, heads down, hands in pockets, hearts and minds safely tucked away.

But every so often a random junkie, homeless person or purple-haired office dweller knocks me out of my trance. It’s a welcome distraction from the day-to-day work routine. And one guy I encountered last week found the perfect captive audience at the crowded corner of Market and Beale.

I heard the metallic rumble of his shopping cart as he approached. People stared at their phones, impatiently waiting for the walk signal. He began his performance.

“None of this matters, people! Because…guess what…YOU’RE ALL FIRED!”

There was a maniacal laugh as he sifted through the crap in his basket. He still had 15 seconds.

“That’s right…you…and you…and you…YOU’RE ALL FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!”

Eventually the light changed and everyone rushed off into oblivion, but the whole scene made my day. Technically he was wrong, I wasn’t fired when I got to work, but it was a great reminder that life is never as predictable as you might think.

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